If I Loose Myself
by RachelRoth9
Summary: Grade B Major Story. Blackfire/RedX (Jason Todd). Romance/Tragedy/Humor. Rated M for language, violence and some material that is not suitable for children.


**AND SO IT BEGINS! SO PUMPED RIGHT NOW! This story has gone through revision after revision and sometimes rewrites. I'm so excited that the story that prompted me to begin writing on this site is now being published. I hope you guys enjoy it as much as I do. So before we start, I wanna give some background on the premise of this story. So it started as a simple head cannon and then evolved into a full out epic love story. I actually don't ship this as much as I actually should considering this whole story. Truthfully, when I began writing and back when I first watched the show, I didn't really like Blackfire. And that's okay I guess (I loved Red X though he's the definition of perfection). The most important thing you guys need to know though is that** **if you haven't watched the show, that's okay you don't really need for this story. But if you have that's good too, you'll understand some references. So I have no idea why I wrote this. I guess I thought I needed to be told. This story is about love, depression, and finding your place in the world. I hope you find this story as much as I have. Ok enough of this, enjoy! Love Always ~Rach**

 **PS- before you read this, read the prologue and I sadly do not own Teen Titans. Ok I'm done now.**

"What does that have to do with anything?" Asked the man shrouded in darkness. I laughed dryly.

"You told me to start from the beginning, well that's exactly what I'm doing. Now, where was I?"

"Well _that_ went well." I thought to myself. Speaking with the general wasn't an easy feat. And since he didn't blast, or more likely bite my head off, I would call that a win. Well maybe not. Why? Because I was stuck in a position I no longer had any interest being in. I could care less about my little sister Starfire. I had it up to _here_ with her. I was sick of trying to find ways to ruin her. I just gave up. Looking at it now, maybe it was wrong of me to blame my shitty excuse for a life on her. Guess I didn't know any better.

When I was a child, I was struck by a fever that permanently took away some of my Tamaranean qualities. My eyes where no longer fully violaceous. My blond hair seemed to die as it lost its usual luster. Leaving a dead black hue in its place. But the most devastating loss was my ability to fly. Tamaraneans are the only species in the universe to be able to harness the energy of the sun and unlock the key to flight. It's a status symbol and the source of pride for my people. I was a humiliation. The heir to the Tamaranean thrown couldn't fly. There were riots and several attempts on the lives of my parents. The people didn't want my family to uphold the royal status anymore. So naturally, because of this, I lost my right to the throne.

A year later, _"the jewel among the stars",_ my sister, Koriand'r was born. Of course I grew up hating her. I thought I lost everything because of her. One day, I ran away from home. I stole one of our small transport ships and set a course to somewhere far away. I ended up drifting into Citadelian territory. After crashing on the dying planet, I was escorted to meet Lord Hercath Gravvonel, exalted and formidable king of the intergalactic, sabretooth, giant, gorilla-like, warrior race. He took me in. he taught me how to fight and use what was left of my Tamaranean abilities with great power. Even though he beat me and treated me more like his personal arsenal rather than the Tamaranean I am, I respected him. I even came to see him as my role model. "Someday," he would begin in Tamaranean, "someday Komand'r, you will bring my proud race glory and power. You will be great. You will watch your family, your people, and their culture swelter in your very fire." Terrifyingly, this was what I wanted for so many years. All of my training revolved around my thirst for blood and vengeance. One day, when I was about sixteen, Hercath ordered me into his laboratory. "Today is a preeminent my Darkest of all Fires!" He bellowed. I was bewildered. I had never seen such a maniacally pleasing look on his face.

"What's the occasion?" I asked smugly. He shot a chastising look at me and continued his announcement.

"My scientists have finally perfected the machine that will give you back your ability to fly." He replied. A content and proud smile grazed his features making his large fangs even more prominent. I didn't do anything. I was baffled. Completely shot to pieces.

"I'll be able to fly again?" I hardly whispered it, but it was enough for him to hear.

"Indeed. Today is the day Komand'r. Today is the day we strike." A tinge of excitement hung off his words. In turn, a smirk made its way to my face.

"Well it's about damn time."

The Citadelian air was tense as thousands of armed Gordanian soldiers prepared to fly into battle. These reptilian-like aliens were used in the army because Hercath believed the lives of the Citadel were too precious to be lost. I watched from a balcony as the soldiers blundered in some sort of chaotic harmony that seemed to fit them perfectly. I chuckled as I saw a small group sharpen their claws. Yep. They took genocide _very_ seriously. I looked down at my own armor. I was wearing my usual crop top, mini skirt, and thigh high boots. Except, the metal protection I usually wore that covered my midsection and most of my arms, was replaced with thicker deep blue metal with a liquid coating that was able to absorb the energy of Tamaranean starbolts. Along the sides of my legs and arms, large spikes capable of cutting through steel jutted out. It was probably my favorite outfit ever. Pride swelled up in me as I stood up straight and turned to watch the armies march again. It was almost time. It was the perfect time. It was my sister's fifteenth birthday which meant that it was the day she would be granted the crown. An honor that should have been placed upon me the year before. I should've been ruling Tamaran. Instead, I was forsaken by my own people. Now it was my turn to take everything away from them.

The horns blared through the hot air and I knew that was my cue. I took my freshly sharpened daggers and slid them into their sheaths at the sides of my boot. Taking one last look at the horizon, I huffed because something didn't feel…quite…right…. Nevertheless I tossed my shoulders back and marched in a similar fashion towards the exit of the tower.

I stood next to Hercath in front of an enormous window looking down on the seemingly perfect planet. It seemed to glow with happiness as if the darn rock itself was alive. I stuck my tongue out at it. Blech. Hercath must've sensed my uneasiness. "A warrior must not convey any trace of emotion. It allows the enemy to get a glimpse of their weakness." He bellowed in a slightly annoyed tone. I cautiously looked up at him, but refrained myself from saying anything else. My tongue retreated back into my mouth leaving a scowl in its wake. Hercath barked some sort of phrase at the soldiers handling the control panel in the Gordanian language that I assume meant that he was ready to land the fleet. Immediately, the speed of the ship increased from cruising to a moderate pace. I never admitted this to anyone, but I was scared. After all, I was just a sixteen year old girl sent to war. People would die and it petrified me that I would be one of the unlucky ones.

We soon landed in the outskirts of the capital city. Music and laughter blared from the streets and the castle. I grabbed my cloak and tossed it on ready for my mission to start. I had to infiltrate the castle, pillage through all its riches, murder anyone who got in my way, and most importantly, kidnap my sister. At the time, I had absolutely no idea why Hercath wanted Starfire so badly. All I knew was obey or die.

Hercath grabbed my shoulder before I could vacate the ship. "Komand'r," he paused. "Do not disappoint me." I give him a slight nod and walk through the ship's hatch. As soon as I am out, a large WOOSH sounds and Hercath's small escape pod heads back towards his planet. His job was done, but mine was just beginning.

The huge change in temperature hits me like a ton of bricks. Large gusts of chilling wind crash into my body and threaten to send me backwards. Suddenly I miss the scorching sun of the Citadel. I walk towards the city looking back only once at the spot where a massive army awaits their cue for attack. Each ship hidden by the darkness of night.

I finally make it into the city as a windy mess. Some of my hair stands up at awkward angles and I quickly pat it down before pulling my hood over my head. Crowds of people come in my direction from all angles. I can barely move without bumping into someone or nearly being run over. The sky isn't much different either, probably worse. Hundreds of Tamaraneans fly gleefully in the sky in order to celebrate the long awaited coronation. Peeling my eyes from the sky, I spot the large castle at the heart of the city. My former home. I immediately draw my eyes toward the window of my old room wondering if everything I had there was still as I left it. I don't let the thought linger too long and return to focusing on my mission. I slightly hover over the ground, getting used to the feeling of flight once more. It was even better than I remembered. The feeling of joy over me was so great, I wanted to join in the dance of my people. I could fly. I could _fly_. I closed my eyes contently and I let myself soak the feeling in. It was a sensation unlike anything I had ever experienced. For a moment I felt free. I snapped right back into reality as the sound of traditional ceremonial horns sounded. It was time for the coronation. Everyone seemed to stop and flood towards the castle. Everyone eager to catch a glimpse of the soon-to-be queen.

I followed the current of the people and headed towards the castle. Not surprisingly, the whole planet did not fit into the grand gallery where the coronation was about to take place. Hordes of people blocked every spot of possible visibility. The only way through this was, through. I shoved, shimmied, and squeezed through the thick crowd and somehow managed to make it inside the castle. Phase one complete. I figured it would be much easier to steal the treasures throughout the palace once the Citadel emerged from hiding to begin their attack. That left another thing for me to do: capture the princess.

I speedily and stealthily flew through the mostly vacant halls of the castle hoping to find Starfire in her room. While dodging a pair of guards, I find myself in front of the door to Starfire's room. The light leaking through the door is a good indication. She was still inside. I smirked. "This is gonna be _some_ reunion…." I thought to myself briefly before bursting through the door. I kicked it down with as much force as I could muster. Finding myself in front of a very startled and confused fifteen year old princess.

"Koma?" she asked incredulously. I slightly cringed at the sound of my very much hated nickname.

"Hey sweetie. It's been a while, hasn't it?" I cooed. She just kept staring with her mouth agape and her glistening green eyes open wide.

"Y…You, You are back!" she almost seemed to ask seeking affirmation. Her face then switched into the most agonizingly adorable face in the history of the universe. "Oh that is _most_ wonderful! I cannot believe it! I was so frightened you may not have returned!" she squealed and pulled me into her infamous bone crushing hugs. "I have missed you!" she said breaking the hug and tearing up.

"Yeah! Huh, well I- umm. So have I!" I awkwardly stuttered out not quite meaning it. Thankfully, Starfire was oblivious. She smiled and grabbed the sides of my cloak opening it up to reveal my battle armor.

"That is a very interesting choice of clothing." she asked skeptically although the smile she wore never left her face.

"Umm, well, you see-." I began.

"Hush! That is not important." She said waving a hand in the air an if she could fan the subject away. "Let us find mother and father and tell them the good news that you have returned!" she stated while grabbing my hand and pulling me out the door of her room.

"N-n-no!" I quickly exclaimed. Starfire turned around and gave me a questioning look. "I-. That's not what I came here for. I'm not staying." I manage to get out. Starfire's expression falls into one of pure sadness.

"What?"

"Starfire, look I, I didn't come to stay. I didn't even come to see Wildfire or even Mother or Father. I just came to see you." Her expression then became serious. Very queen-like and it angered me.

"For what purpose?" She asked flatly.

"Starfire, come with me." I pleaded in a fake way. Her eyes shot up.

"What?"

"You heard me! Come with me! Far away to a place where you'll never have to be queen. Where you can be you! And nobody can change that!"

"Blackfire…"

"Is this really what you want? To stay locked in a castle all day and be forced to deal with situations you don't yet understand?" I yelled at her. Reaching a hand behind my back to find a small remote with a sole button strapped to my belt. This will send them the signal.

"I have responsibilities! It is not that simple! It does not matter what I want!"

"Starfire, listen to me! You don't know what you're getting yourself into!" I retorted. My finger lightly touching the button.

"Blackfire please stop!" she yelled back. Fresh tears of sadness welling in her eyes. I felt no sympathy. "I you choose not to stop, I shall call my guards upon you!" I press the button and prepare myself for the exciting part. I smirked.

"Oh no, no need." I reply calmly. "This is between you and me."

I lunge at Starfire only to grab nothing but air. She stands behind me. A very confused look on her face. I yell in anger and fly towards her. I crash into her and grab her elbows push her out of her room, past her balcony, and into the outside; never breaking the contact. Starfire and I struggle for a few moments. After managing to get out of my grasp, she takes higher into the sky ready for the next attack, her red hair flowing in the wind. Her eyes widen as she realized something. "You can fly?" she yelled in disbelief.

"You bet!" I said my eyes and hands glowing. _Finally_. A fear stricken look crossed her face.

"I do not want to fight you!"

"I do!" Her eyes and hands also light up and she begins to send a barrage of lime green starbolts in my direction. I dodge all of them and close the distance between us once more. Before the impact, I shoot out strong, magenta energy beams in her direction sending her back a few feet. Her eyes and hands still glowing as she comes in my direction and tries to deliver a blow to my face. _Dodge._ She tries again with the other hand to no avail. _Duck._ I move farther away from her, increasing the distance. In her frustration, she sends eyebeams in my direction. _Dodge again._ I use my momentum from the dodge to come at her again and deliver a solid blow to the jaw. _Strike._ She stumbles backwards a bit and in her disorientation, I grab her arm and fling her downward. Hard. She's not down long, and takes to the skies again. The pattern continues. _Dodge. Duck. Dodge. Strike. Dodge. Duck. Dodge. Strike._ All the moves that Hercath had taught me worked so well. She hadn't even touched me yet.

Below us, I hear sounds of agony and despair. The Gordanians had begun their attack strongly and efficiently. "What did you do?" Starfire frantically asks stopping the fight for a brief moment.

"Nothing I regret." I tell her as I deliver the final blow.

The planet was left in ruins. Most of the population was dead, save for my sister and few lucky souls who managed to escape the carnage. All their riches were claimed and their wildlife slaughtered. Starfire was knocked out and put into a well-guarded cell on a different ship. My mission was complete. Hercath would be pleased. I looked out the window towards the desecrated planet. I felt as empty as it was.

"And well she ended up escaping coming here and all that yada yada yada and the rest is history." I tell the man in the shadows.

"And then the general was enraged-."

"And stayed that way. Heck he probably still is." I concluded. The man awkwardly cleared his throat.

"What does this have to do with our current situation?" He asked.

"Well, after his little tantrum at our last meeting, I decided to never do his dirty work again. So I went to the nearest bar…."

Unfortunately, the nearest bar was on a different planet. But, when flying in the speed of light, it only took me twenty minutes. The bar was filled with a bunch of alien species that I had encountered during my travels. It looked like your average intergalactic bar. I sat at the bar and pondered what I wanted to order when it struck me: I needed money. I was no longer being funded by Hercath. I needed a job and fast, or else I would starve. I hung my head in defeat. All I wanted now was to erase all of my past mistakes. I didn't care about the throne anymore, I wanted home.

"So you want a do-over?" The giant fly-like bar tender asked me. My head shot up in surprise.

"How did you-?"

"You were thinking aloud, kid."

"Oh."

"I think I might be able to help you out though." He whispered to me.

"You're gonna give me a job?" I asked hopefully.

"What? No! This is _my_ bar and I'm the only who will ever work it. Ever." He said in an as-a-matter-of-factly tone.

"Oh, then why'dja say you could help me?"

"Stones."

"Stones?" I asked losing interest.

"Yes. There is this ancient legend about this magical stone that has the power to turn back time."

My ears perked up. "I'm listening."

"Legend says, 'Whoever wields it can go back in time one day and it only works once.'" I scoffed.

"Well thanks for trying but that's not gonna help. At all." I said mimicking his as-a-matter-of-factly tone and getting up to leave.

"But wait!" He said grabbing my attention once more. "When collected with these other stones, you can manipulate time in whichever way you would like." I pondered it for a moment. "Here! I have a list!" I watched him rummage through a box that he brought up from under the counter. It contained everything from used clothing to spare limbs and eye balls. Talk about the craziest lost in found in all of space time. "Ah! Here it is!" he exclaimed as he pulled out tattered piece of paper. "Here are the names of these stones and their current locations." He explained. I lifted the paper off the counter and pulled it closer to my face. To my surprise, I knew where most of these planets were. "And this one," he said pointing to the last one on the list. "Is the one that does all the magic." I frowned when I read the location of the stone.

"Aw great."

 **YAY THE END OF CHAPTER ONE! WELL WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK? Sorry if it seemed rushed or confusing at times, most gaps will be filled later in the story. So where do you think she'll be heading off to? Who's the mysterious man in the darkness? Tell me what you guys think in the comments! See ya very very soon! ~Rach**


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